The Silence

I keep telling people I'm learning to listen to the silence... and well... Here it is. Mom and Dad have left for the holiday weekend.

I've been living with my folks for about 4 months now. I was living in a condo all by myself and was very used to time alone-- enjoying it for a while, but eager for company on occasion. Moving home was kind of a last minute "have to do" because I thought I'd sold my condo. (Long story about that one-- one that I'd really just like to forget, so i won't document it here.) That was in the thick of graduate school too, so I kind of forgot what silence sounded like. Home is bustling all the time. If I'm not at work, Mom and Dad are here to share a meal with. My sister and her family pop over for a visit. The neighbor comes over to say hello... very rarely is it just quiet. I'm not complaining about this at all. It's been good for me, as I almost tended to have a hermit-like existence when I was living alone. Balance is a good thing.

It's been my mission for a little while now to find the silence again, now that I can appreciate it and it isn't stifled by nagging thoughts about what I should be studying, or what relationship I'd been neglecting. So, I've been looking forward to a weekend alone to see if I can still handle the alone time.

I think I've rediscovered some of it. I thought I could easily find the person I was before I went back to school. I was pretty happy and content with life. BUT!! that person no longer exists. I've grown so much and learned new things about myself and the world around me. So I'm finding the new person who appreciates the silence much more, and from a different perspective.

• I've had a few visits with my grandparents and a good friend in Idaho that were positively cleansing and renewing. I can't tell you how much I look forward to sitting and talking with the people I love and discovering new and fascinating stories about their lives and who they are. They are part of who I am, and help me discover more about who I am through them.
• I've also had some health issues that require some doctor office time. It used to be that I took school books to the office so I could catch up on a reading assignment, or I sat in the waiting room impatiently tapping my foot waiting for my name to be called, so i could tap my foot impatiently in the examination room waiting for the doctor to come tell me the next step in my health goals. Very deliberatly I decided to just sit and breath until the dr. came. No books, no tapping of feet: just looking at the white wall and breathing and thinking of nothing. Wow.. that sure was a great slow down effect.
• I've also decided to leave the questions in my life unanswered for the time being and just let the answer come. "where are you going to live?" " will you get a new job now that you are done with school?"" what is the next step in this relationship?" ALL LEFT TO TIME and ANSWERS when they come. That is refreshing as well.
• Took a hike with a good friend the other day. We talked non stop for about 3 hours about this process. She's discovering herself again too, and people are befuddled by her. I kinda like befuddling people. It means I'm growing and being my own person.

Well.. deep thoughts for a new post. Maybe this silence stuff will help me make more frequent posts... with some light hearted stuff too. :D

Thanks for stopping by!